1 May 2010 (Saturday) - Off on Holiday

1 November 2010 (Monday) - Speeling Mistayks

For the last umpteen years I have lived in Doctor Marten’s shoes; they are great, comfortable and long lasting. Yesterday I noticed that my current pair (which I bought in December 2008) had developed a split on the side of the sole. It’s been my experience that about two months before you wear the soles away to nothing, they develop a characteristic split in the sole. This split is Gods way of telling you to get a new pair. Or Blind Chance’s way of telling you to get a new pair, depending on your personal religious persuasion.

Doctor Marten’s shoes are reliable, hard wearing but aren’t very cheap. Doctor Martin’s shoes (note carefully the spelling) are equally reliable and hard wearing, but don’t come up in the same eBay searches that Doctor Marten’s shoes come up in. The difference between an “e” and an “i” is trivial to you and me, dear reader, but to an eBay search the difference is about thirty pounds.

It pays to try mis-spellings when searching on eBay. I did exactly that this morning. Including postage costs, a pair of these shoes (spelt correctly) was going for an average of fifty quid. However a pair identical in all ways (except for the spelling) could be (and was) bought for twenty quid. Admittedly when buying DMs (of whatever spelling) from eBay, they are usually postman’s shoes. And they come complete with the Royal Mail insignia, but personally I quite like that on the side of a shoe.

Whilst I’m on the subject of trivial spelling mistakes, for the last two years this month for me hasn’t been November, but Mo-vember. In 2008 I grew a rather dreadful moustache which hovered somewhere between Oliver Hardy and Adolf Hitler. Last year I went for the full mutton-chops. This year I’m giving the whole moustache thing a miss. My fellow moutacher isn’t keen to do it for a third year, I don’t actually like the “facial hair experience” and bearing in mind the whole thing is sponsored-for-charity, last year only two thirds of the people who pledged money to us actually stumped up.

I might have another go next year, but for those of my loyal readers who feel they might like to sponsor a moustache, might I suggest you click here to do so.

2 November 2010 (Tuesday) – Efficiency

Yesterday I thought I might possibly be eligible to upgrade my mobile phone, so I phoned the nice people at the G.P.O. I was indeed eligible for an upgrade, and they suggested I might consider the new Satsuma Castanet ZV5 phone. The thing comes with a 12 megadoodah camera and an HDMI output that I can plug into my telly. It has WiFi (must learn about that), GPS, free windows messenger and Skype. Every month I get 500 free minutes to other people on the same network, 300 minutes or texts to people on any other network, and 500 Mb worth of Internet. And my monthly payments will be only two thirds of what they used to be. They posted the phone last night and this morning I received a text telling me it would arrive between 1.30pm and 2.30pm. It arrived at 2.05pm. If only every other delivery service could be so prompt. I had a minor hiccup in that the mains plug didn’t fit into the mains socket, and had some fun lashing the phone into my PC, but I’ve eventually wrestled the thing into sounding like the old one did. Now to spend three weeks learning to use it. Especially the internet bits. I’ve never had a phone that does Internet before. Well, I have, but I’ve never done Internet on the phone before. I wonder if it is the same Internet as this one…?

On the other end of the efficiency scale is HM Customs and Excise. Two weeks ago (20 October to be precise) I phoned the tax office. I’d forgotten that I can claim tax relief on my professional subscriptions, and they told me that I’d not actually claimed since 2004. They said if I wrote to them they’d see about sorting out my tax codes. So I wrote to them the same day. I phoned them today to ask if they’d received my letter, and to ask if and when I might expect to hear back from them. The chap at the other end of the phone laughed and explained that because of their backlog, as post arrives it is being stockpiled in order of arrival at their office. They currently have a backlog of two months, and said they probably won’t open the letter I sent until Xmas Eve at the earliest…

3 November 2010 (Wednesday) - New Phone (Still...)

On Monday I mentioned I’d bought some new shoes. They arrived this morning, but I had a minor whinge about them. If you look at the picture for Monday’s blog entry you’ll notice that there is a cushioned rim round the bit where the foot goes in. This is so you don’t get sore ankles. The shoes that arrived didn’t have that cushioned edge and clearly aren’t that which was advertised. I decided to keep the shoes, as it’s too much trouble to send them back, but I emailed a complaint to the seller. I wondered if anything would come of it – and I got a reply almost right away. She had no idea that DMs come with or without cushioned edges, and she’s given me a partial refund. That was a result.

I’ve also emailed in my meter readings to the power company – the first leccie meter reading on the new meter, and the first gas meter reading since I got the new boiler. I wonder if this will make any difference to my bill. I suppose it doesn’t help that I have absolutely no idea what my usage has been up till now. I’ve decided to keep a record of meter readings and see how they go.

And then I carried on fiddling around with my new phone. During the course of the swap-over from the old phone I lost quite a lot of people’s numbers, and somehow or other the SIM card seemed to remember a lot of very old (and very wrong) numbers. I have mentioned this elsewhere on the Internet, but could I ask that if anyone wants me to be able to contact them by phone, could you please send me your phone number, Preferably with a few words saying who you are. I got three anonymous texts this morning. Each with a comment along the lines of “here’s my number you asked for”.

A minor disappointment – the quality of the photos the phone’s camera produced wasn’t very good. After a lot of fiddling round with the settings I realised I’d left the protective film over the camera lens. Woops!

I’ve tried to get the phone to connect to the house’s wireless network. It seems to connect, but when I try to do web surfing I get an “Invalid sever name” message. I wonder if that is anything I can fix easily? If not, it’s no great problem – I get quite a bit of free Internet usage anyway. I wasted some of that free usage on connecting my phone to Facebook and Twitter. In retrospect it was probably for no better reason than because I could.

Trying to do internetty things from my phone is a lot like fiddling about. I doubt I shall actually use it very much. I also don’t like the way that you have to fiddle about to be sure if I’ve actually logged off of the internet. I’m sure I’m going to forget to do that…..

4 November 2010 (Thursday) - BA – BSc

A few months ago one of the leaders of one of the political parties went on record as saying that should his party achieve power, then they would not increase university tuition fees. Yesterday the coalition government announced that those same tuition feesare set to increase by up to 300%. One can possibly make a case for not ranting too much about the Con-servatives for this – after all they made no commitment about these fees, and (to be fair to Con-servatives) this is really the sort of thing that they feel that shouldn’t be subsidised by the public purse.

But shall we take as read the rant about the lies of the Dribbling Democraps?

Although there are moves afoot to shorten the length of time students are spending doing degrees, the actual cost involved must mean that a degree level education is once again only available to the rich. (A traditional three-year degree will cost slkightly more than my first house did.)

Let me rephrase that. A traditional university education is once again only available to the rich. There are other ways of getting one. I paid for my own whilst both my children were toddlers and ‘er indoors ^TM wasn’t working (but was being a full time mother). And there are degrees which can be done as part of your employment. For no apparent reason, one such degree springs to mind.

Personally I’ve never been a fan of the traditional style of university education. As a schoolboy at the Hastings Academy for Budding Geniuses , it was made crystal clear to me that the only reason for my being at a grammar school was to go on to a university, and I think that is what put me off of the idea. Why on earth go to a university for three (or more) years only to run up debts whilst putting off getting employment? Surely it’s better to do some work, find out what you want to do for a living, then see about securing any relevant qualifications? Perhaps that is why apprenticeships are on the increase again….

Last week at work we had a rant about how rubbish Kent is. Or that is a colleague did. Me, I quite like my adopted county. It’s got all I need.

It would seem I’m not alone in finding the place wonderful - the county is listed in the world’s top twelve holiday destinations. I was impressed – mind you, I’ve holidayed there several times myself.

Another reason why my home county is so brilliant is that it hosts (at least) two of the best breweries in creation. One of them is currently brewing thirty two firkins of black nectar which should be in the pubs in a month’s time. Mind you with only (slightly more than) two thousand pints of the porter being brewed this year, I imagine it will sell out quickly. The brewery has promised to email me a list of pubs who are selling the stuff when the time comes. I predict an outing to a pub in early December…

5 November 2010 (Friday) - Fireworks Night

Up at the crack of dawn and on with the ironing. Shirts don’t iron themselves, you know. And then after work we set off to Folkestone. The local school was having a fireworks display. The weather wasn’t good, but it would have been a shame to have missed the fireworks. We arrived in the rain, but the rain didn’t last long. I’m not a religious blogger but it did strike me more than co-incidental that with such a congregation of left-footers, as the fireworks started so the clouds parted and the rain stopped. And it was equally odd that as the fireworks finished and the audience dispersed that the clouds came back and the rain started. Divine intervention? Perhaps – I’m not ruling it out.

I’ve been to this school’s quiz nights in the past. For a church school, the bar at their quiz nights is second to none. When my time comes I may well turn left-footer myself.

And then back to the Hoseys for a smashing bit of tea, and to star in a home made video “Dave annoys Tina” which will be appearing on You-Tube very soon. In fact it will appear as soon as I can figure out how to get the video (that was bluetoothed to me) out of my sexy new phone.

Talking of sexy new phones, I see that one of my loyal readers in Canada has got a sexy new phone of her own. The hit counting software tells me that in the last twenty four hours my blog has been read no less than six times by an iPhone somewhere in the Calgary area.

Might I ask how you are getting on with the iPhone and the Internet? I must admit I’m on the point of giving up with phone based Internet-ing – the keys are fiddly, the screen is so small…it’s not really practical, is it?

6 November 2010 (Saturday) - More Fireworks

Among the hundreds of emails I received this morning was one from the leccie company. On Wednesday I emailed them my meter readings. They didn’t like them and had sent me a notification of reject. And they asked me to phone them at my earliest convenience. So I did. The nice man there read back to me the meter readings I’d sent them on Wednesday and told me all was well with them, and asked what my query was. He was amazed that I’d been emailed because there was no problem at all with my meter reading.

Another nonsense email was from Google, who reminded me that the clocks go back one hour this evening. Didn’t we do that last weekend?

And seeing how I wasn’t working this morning, we went into town. First of all to the post office to collect a parcel. The highly intelligent operative behind the counter wanted som I.D. before he’s give me my parcel so I showed him (from a distance of some six feet) an out of date credit card. He seemed happy with this and gave me my package. Then on to the Gorge for a fry-up. Martin joined us just as we were leaving, and we then wandered round the rest of the town. Wilco’s had a bargain – home brew kits. I’m seriously tempted to have a go at home brewing. Once I’ve forked out thirty quid for the fermentation tub and the pressure barrel I can brew up beer at less than three quid pre gallon.

To CEX where I got a load of cheap DVDs, and then to the toy shop followed closely by a visit to Cheesey Computers. At this point we’d been in town for nearly three hours and I was shopped out. My nerves could take no more. But seeing how it was on our way we had a look in “Hopeless” (anyone who’s heard their advert on local radio will know the place!) where I was intending to pick up some fireworks, but instead came out with a sledge. I *know* there’s no snow, but it’s been my experience that if you wait for snow, then sledges will have sold out, and those that are available are vastly overpriced. So I’ve got my sledge. All I need now is the snow.

Home, where I put on one of my new DVDs and slept in front of it for an hour or so. And then to Folkestone to collect people, and on to the evening’s fireworks session. Steve and Sarah had invited us to a fireworks party, and it was great!! We met up with old and new friends, and chatted over some beers, and as people arrived, so the pile of fireworks grew and grew. And then we wandered into the garden for the start of the pyrotechnics. The first rocket was spectacular – it reached a height of about six feet before it exploded with an earth-shattering ka-boom. I was impressed, but was desperately hoping it wasn’t one of the rockets I’d bought. Most of the other fireworks behaved themselves though. Apart from one errant Roman candle which escaped and did its thing from inside a shrubbery.

After an hour we adjourned for food – hot dogs, soup and chilli jacket potatoes were enjoyed by all, and then back for more fireworks and sparklers. Oh, it was great fun, and the weather was good too. I do like a good firework display. Same time next year…?

7 November 2010 (Sunday) - Bit Dull, Really...

Last week we had the draw for work’s secret Santa for Xmas. When I saw who I’d got in the draw I knew exactly what gift to get for him, and so I had a look on eBay, found what I wanted and ordered it. I came home from work on Friday to find a note saying that the parcel was at the post office, and I collected it yesterday, but what with one thing and another I didn’t open the package until today. With packaging from Amazon and an invoice from Amazon, I find I’ve been cheated.

The seller is advertising products on eBay, and when people buy them he posts the buyer what they’ve ordered. But he doesn’t have them in stock. He just orders them from Amazon for five pounds cheaper than what he’s selling them for on eBay. He tells Amazon to deliver the goods to whoever’s ordered it and he pockets the profit.

I suppose I should have looked on Amazon first. This bloke’s not technically done anything illegal, or even wrong, but I feel as though I’ve been swindled. For what it’s worth he’ll get negative feedback, but because he’s a Power Seller on eBay, I can’t leave him negative feedback until a week after I received the thing. I shall bide my time.

Talking of eBay….. Yesterday I mentioned that I’m thinking “Home Brew” (again). I quite like the idea of knocking up five gallons of stout for Xmas. But I was amazed to find that I can buy the home brew kits in the town centre shops for about twenty quid cheaper that I can get them on eBay (or on Amazon!). Internet shopping isn’t the bargain it once was. Browsing the net I’ve found that there’s a home brew shop which as opened less than four miles from home. I shall have a look in there tomorrow.

And talking of beer, regular readers may recall a blog entry from June when I whinged about a pub in Warehorne

. The Woolpack used to be a very good pub, but in June we found it to be pretentious and serving vastly overpriced tat in place of reasonably priced food. Since then we’ve heard all sorts of rumours about the place from all sorts of sources. Whilst gossip is hardly the most reliable means of communication, I heard so many stories about the place from so many people I soon came to the conclusion that my bad experience in June was in keeping with what most other customers had found about the place.

Today I received a message about this pub through a website I used to use a lot. The message read “You may be interwsted to know that there is a new tenant in the Woolpack, Warehorne, Give it a try, its much better and the new guy is great.” I was very “interwsted” to know this, and I may well pop back to see if things have improved.

Even though it was Sunday I was up with the lark today, and I spent the morning helping with the last bits of house moving. Fridge freezers don’t move themselves. In a better plane of reality, they probably do move themselves. But not in mine. In my world they are dependent on the likes of me to elevate them to the second storey. As are tumble driers. But it’s all good exercise.

After moving stuff to and fro and up and down we came home via Lidls (it was Sunday after all) and I spent the afternoon doing what is fast becoming my standard Sunday afternoon ritual: dozing in front of a rubbish film. Tea was good – home made soup then roast dinner. And then back to NeverWinter where my character (a particularly foxy elf) has lost her girlfriend in the sewer. Which was careless of her…

8 November 2010 (Monday) - A Day Off Work

‘er indoors ^TM had the day off work today, so I took a day’s holiday as well. As I’m a supporter of the Aspinall Foundation, periodically I get free tickets to the local zoos, and so we’d planned to go to Port Lympne today.

I plan a lot of things, and mostly things go according to plan. So I shouldn’t be *that* miffed when occasionally things go wrong. The weather was against us today. With torrential rain and winds gusting up to 50mph, we decided that we didn’t much fancy walking round a zoo in a monsoon.

Having said that, we weren’t going to waste a day off, so we went to Dover museum to have a mooch round. We’d heard about this museum before, and at three quid it wasn’t overly expensive. The ground floor of the museum wasn’t too sad: prehistoric Dover, together with several artefacts of interest and descriptions of them. There was even a skeleton of a pre-historic Doverian. Going up the stairs were all sorts of articles and displays about the history of Girl Guides in the area.

The first floor was rubbish. To be fair to Dover museum, it will be good when it’s finished. But at the moment there are just endless displays of dull bits of broken pots with no explanation of what they are. Having ridiculed it, we moved on upwards.

The second floor featured an impressive stuffed Polar bear, and there were two main displays here. One was all about Dover since medieval times and was actually reasonably well done. The other was all about Dover’s ancient boat. Twenty years ago whist digging up the high street, diggers found a boat; three thousand years old and ten metres long. It was probably the first ever cross channel ferry, and this display was rather interesting. Which was surprising since we’d had a talk about it at the arky-ologee club (26 November 2008) which wasn’t overly riveting.

Lunch time: as we came out of the museum we found KFC. The rain was still torrential, so we popped in, if only to shelter from the elements. But KFC always makes for a good lunch. And on the way back to the car we made time for a crafty half. Two years ago I visited Blakes of Dover and wasn’t impressed. I would so dearly love to have this place in my top ten list of pubs. It has everything I rate in a pub. It’s off the beaten track. It’s downstairs in an obscure basement. It has decent ale from the best breweries – and some of the ale is poured from the barrel. It even has pickled eggs.

However it also has bar staff who know how marvellous their pub is. And rather than clientele or regulars, it has an “in-crowd” who make a point of staring at the newcomer. On my last visit I rather slated the place on a certain pub reviewing website, and today’s visit gave me no reason to change my opinion of the place.

On the way home we stopped off at another seaside town where a branch of Maplins has recently opened. I thought it might be worth a visit: I was wrong – it was dull. But whilst we were in the area we thought we’d go visit the most recent fruit of my loin. Unfortunately she wasn’t in, but “Thing Two” from Doctor Seuss was there in her pyjamas to welcome us. Or that was my initial reaction. I am told that they are very nice pyjamas, and who am I to argue.

Over the last few days I’ve been mentioning making my own beer. We called in to the local home brew shop today. Getting all the kit and caboodle looked a bit pricey, so I got a starter set which in only fifteen days will give me twenty litres of stout. If it works I will have managed to knock out the stuff for seventy pence a pint (which is even cheaper than Lidl). And if it doesn’t work I will console myself with the thought of how much money I could have wasted if I had bought the bigger kit. Loyal readers are very welcome to point and laugh at my box of “Stout Fellow” as it bubbles away in my kitchen. And loyal readers who respect the stout are very welcome to try some when I open the box in a couple of week’s time...

9 November 2010 (Tuesday) - Another Day Off

Many years ago (1985), as part of my studies at Bromley Technical College I performed a rather major research project into the life cycle of yeast. Specifically fermentation. So I know how long it takes for yeast to get going and to start fermenting, and how long it takes for yeast to reproduce enough for fermentation to actually be apparent. As I added the yeast to my stout last night I actually said to myself that I couldn’t expect to actually see anything happen before 8am this morning.

None of that stopped me getting up at hourly intervals during the night, getting more and more worried that my home brew wasn’t doing anything. Fortunately for my nerves, when I got up (properly) this morning it was bubbling away quite happily. A regular “blopping” followed by periodic more extreme releases of gas. A bit like my stomach, really.

A phone call: “My Boy ^TM ” had gone beach fishing this morning. I heard him going. I expect my loyal readers in Alberta and Wisconsin heard him going as well – he doesn’t go fishing quietly. He phoned to say he’d caught a bass, and to ask if that was normal. I expect it is. I’ve seen bass caught from the beach before. Not that I do much sea fishing. I don’t like sea fishing. Pond and river fishing is peaceful, done during the summer in pleasant weather. In my experience sea fishing is a test of one’s macho qualities. No one ever goes sea fishing unless the rain is torrential and the wind is at hurricane force. I don’t know why that is, I merely offer it as an observation of life.

And with the weather being against us again, we again decided against going to the zoo. Instead we settled for second best by having a look round the snake shop in Bethersden. They had some nice beasts, but I wasn’t tempted to get any. I’m not keen on doing the whole “reptile thing” again. (Been there, done that!). Whilst we were in the area, we’d heard that Tenterden garden centre had their Xmas decorations out, so we went to have a look at those. They weren’t overly impressive. But whilst there we had a look at their reptiles and Koi too. For me, seeing the reptiles and the Koi at a pet shop is every bit as good as a zoo. I get to see the animals I’m interested in, and I see them much closer up too.

We then drove on into Rye. With the bonfire parade only five days away we needed to check that all was in readiness: it wasn’t *that* far from Tenterden really.

I’d heard reports of a pub that was under new management that I wanted to check out before this coming weekend. The Queens Head is probably now in my top twenty pubs, if not my top ten (must actually write that list!). In the past Rye has been a venue for pub crawls, and the Queens Head has never once featured on any crawls. Now under new management it has friendly bar staff and a wonderful beer selection. A hard choice had to be made – deciding against the Crofter’s we settled down to a pint of Espresso – this pub is only the third place that I’ve seen Espresso on the hand pump, and it’s the only place I’ve ever seen (apart from the FILO) that has beer from the FILO brewery.

I would suggest changing our plans for the weekend to relocate to this pub, but it is right on the bonfire route and will be heaving. Our usual haunt for Rye bonfire parade is a little bit off the procession route, and will have space to breathe

And talking of our usual haunt, whilst in Rye we thought we’d case the joint and check that they were ready for the weekend. The nice people at the Union Inn assured us that they would have barrels of beer on the counter, and we had a pint of Cumberland Ale with a plate of dinner. Having assured ourselves that they were ready for the weekend, we moved on. Another pub that I wanted to check out before the weekend was the Mermaid. I’d heard so much about this place and…. let’s just say that it’s never appeared on previous pub crawls round Rye, and it won’t appear on any future ones either. If any of my loyal readers are in the area and they want to impress a boyfriend/girlfriend, or just be pretentious by paying vastly over the odds for poncey food accompanied by very average ale, then this is the place to go.

And then home to find that in my absence my box of stout had had an episode. Presumably there had been a rather excessive build up of fermentation gases; water from the air lock was sprayed everywhere, and one of the corners of the box was rather soggy. I’ve given the thing a larger air lock, and am hoping that over the next two weeks the box will dry out somewhat. If it don’t I shall boss it together with packing tape.

I suppose that I shouldn’t complain really. As the first brew (possibly of many) it is in many ways something from which I will learn. And lesson #1 is that wet things shouldn’t be kept in cardboard…

10 November 2010 (Wednesday) - This and That...

I’ve just had two days off work: it rained constantly. Today I went back to work as the sun came out. I was so tempted to ask for today off as well, but I thought better of the idea. In retrospect I wish I had asked for the day off.

Enough of work: yesterday I mentioned that my box of stout was somewhat damp. I came home this evening to find that it has completely dried out. That was a relief. The thing is still bubbling away nicely, and despite the fact I’ve not tasted the first lot yet, I’m having ideas about what to brew up next. The idea of a barrel of porter for Xmas is appealing.

I had an email from Svetlana this evening. I’ve had several emails from her recently. Apparently she is nineteen years old, is “a man’s dream” and she is “looking for man to have a strong family”. She asked if I was too. Funnily enough I’m not “looking for man to have a strong family”. Not with my back (!)

She even sent me a picture of herself. She looked cold; it has to be said that when I pose for photographs I wear more than just a smile. She told me she was on-line and suggested we chatted, but I thought it best not to encourage her sort.

We could have had Chinese for tea tonight. A gentleman of oriental persuasion turned up on the doorstep and proudly announced he’d got my meal. I was quite happy with that until he wanted paying. I’d eat it if he was giving it away. He wasn’t. He claimed we’d ordered it over the phone. We hadn’t. He started a rant about how we had ordered from his restaurant, and when he eventually paused for breath I explained to him the difference between where he was (Beaver Road) and where he needed to be (Beaver Lane). For those not familiar with the area, the difference is just under a mile. He wasn’t happy with my explanation, and asked if I was sure I was in the right place myself. I thought I was being helpful by giving him directions to Beaver Lane. I got the impression that he thought I was talking the rise. Oh well… after all was said and done, someone about a mile away will have had a cold dinner this evening.

And then we settled down to watch the last episode of Downton Abbey. I love costume dramas and stories set in grand houses. Where the nobs upstairs have more money than sense, and the serfs downstairs are equally dumb for putting up with the nobs upstairs. Electricity, telephones and the war came to Downton Abbey this evening. It was a brilliant series. A shame it’s over, but I understand there is to be a second series next year. That will give me something to look forward to.

Regular readers of this drivel may recall I had a new leccie meter fitted a month ago. Today I received a leccie bill. It would seem that in one month I’ve got myself £112.27 in credit with the leccie people. I phoned them up and asked for one hundred of it back. They seemed quite happy with that idea. I’ve blogged in the past about how I’m financially stuffed at the moment, and that hundred quid would be very much appreciated. The fact that I’m probably going to spend it on home brew gear to make my Xmas porter is neither here nor there.

I also tried another way to recoup my fortunes today. One of my trainees at work is football mad. But not in the way that most football fans are. Instead he intently studies each team’s form and scoring records, and regularly predicts the outcome of matches with uncanny accuracy. By “investing” relatively small amounts, this chap often wins over a hundred pounds at the bookies with his skill. I asked if he’d “invest” a (relatively) small amount for me. Tonight’s prediction was that Everton would beat Bolton and thatSwansea would beat Bristol City.

With a tenner stake I could have made a profit of twenty five quid. If only Bristol City and Bolton hadn’t won. That’s ten quid down the toilet….

11 November 2010 (Thursday) - Sterility, Dole..

My mind has been on home brewing rather a lot lately. I can’t help but suspect that in years gone by, my home made wine was rather variable in quality because contaminating bacteria got in to the stuff. Maintaining sterility can be tricky, and errant microbes can be problematical; as anyone who’s ever eaten a dodgy kebab can testify.

Making wine was a very “open” process. The stout I am currently brewing is more “closed” in that you sterilise the inside of your container, chuck in all the ingredients, close the whole thing up, and that’s it. Once fermentation has finished you just tilt the box and start drinking the stuff. With a closed system it is far easier to maintain sterility.

So investing in fermentation vessels and plastic kegs and trying to perform aseptic siphoning isn’t the way forward. Obviously the trick is to make beer is the way I’m doing it at the moment; brewing it in it’s own polypin. The drawback to this is cost – a twenty litre polypin costs about fifteen quid. It can be re-used a few times, but it has a finite life. But re-using the thing runs the risk of contamination. And once you’ve bought the second polypin it’s already cost more than all the fermentation vessels and plastic kegs would have cost.

And then I had a stroke of inspiration. I know someone who uses saline (salt water) which is delivered in polypin-like boxes, and the boxes, once used, are thrown away. With a rinse out, such a box would be ideal for home brew – the only expense would be the beer making ingredients. And since the boxes are made to be disposable, I’d not even have to clean the thing out afterwards. I’d just chuck it away and get a new one.

I could knock out ale for as little as forty pence per pint. I have already obtained such a box. I shall buy a beer kit at the weekend.

‘er indoors ^TM went out flogging candles tonight, leaving me to forage for my dinner. From experience I’ve found that foraging in the general direction of the KFC is usually successful. With the house to myself I watched a movie. “Bronson” wouldn’t be everyone’s cup of tea: it’s in the same vein as “I.D.”, “Scum” and “Clockwork Orange”. But I quite liked it, even if I did doze through the end of the film.

I’ve posted several times over the last few months about the many and various failings of our coalition government. Now, much as it pains me to do so, I’m going to sing their praises.

As a child I can remember my uncle once grumbling that a friend of his had left work. Because of this chap’s various personal circumstances the bloke was five pound per week better off on unemployment benefits, housing benefits, family allowance, etc than he was if he stayed in employment.

Today the government has announced radical changes to the welfare system so that it pays to work. I’m not pretending the new system will be perfect, but I quite like the idea that long term unemployed people will be asked to do voluntary work, if only to get them back into the “working” frame of mind. There are no end of local charities who could benefit from such people’s efforts. Our local scout hall needs a lick of paint.

There are those who feel the measures are a tad harsh. But I can’t help but think of the leader of our local scout group who can run one of the most successful scout groups inKent whilst being paralysed down the entire left hand side of her body. Or the leader of the Beaver Scouts who runs the most successful Beaver group for miles around, even though she is blind. Perhaps under these new measures they might actually be rewarded for their efforts?

12 November 2010 (Friday) - Fixing My Computer

In previous blog entries I have regaled my loyal readership with tales of woe regarding my ailing computer. The poor thing is (nearly) four years old, and over the last few months it has rather began to struggle to do its job. Having installed Windows Defender and C-Cleaner I’ve attempted to sort the poor thing out. I’ve defragmented my drive and deleted my orphaned files. I’ve salvaged something from the tattered remains that was once my Windows registry file, and I’ve bunged out all manner of conflicting software that I neither needed nor wanted. I’ve scanned and scanned, but still the poor thing sounded like a helicopter trying to take off. Time and again the computer would freeze; the only option being for me to pull out the mains plug and start again.

Desperate times called for desperate measures. So I opened up the computer, blew all the dust out, and then put it back together again. I won’t pretend the thing is fixed, but it certainly seems a lot better than it once was.

I heard something of arky-ological interest on the radio today. It would seem that whilst hunting for dull bits of broken pots, an arky-ologist stumbled upon King Herod’s tomb. And whilst investigating this tomb, said arky-ologist stumbled over a railing and fell to his death. Destroying various artefacts on the way. I did laugh when I heard.

And of astronomical interest is Britain’s first to-orbit-and-back aircraft. “Vulture 1”, a paper aeroplane was lifted to space by helium balloon and successfully made its way back to the ground, taking photos as it went.

Another British triumph….

13 November 2010 (Saturday) - Rye Bonfire Parade

I’m going to start off today with a rant. I am sick and tired of people knocking the NHS. Take today’s news – one quarter of all cases of cancer are only diagnosed when the condition finally becomes so severe that the patients are so ill that they are admitted to hospital as an emergency. And this rate is far higher in leukaemia cases. Over half the brain tumours are found at such a late state. This is (apparently) shocking and disgusting and typical of the failing NHS. Or is it? Consider a specific form of cancer – skin cancer. Only 3% of skin cancers go undetected. Why is the NHS so better at detecting skin cancer as opposed to (say) tumours of the pancreas?

Do I really have to spell this out? Skin cancer gets detected early because people with this condition can see their skin going manky. It’s not so easy to see small lumps deep inside your body. Or take leukaemia (a condition with which I have a passing knowledge). This can only be diagnosed from a blood test – there are no lumps in leukaemia. Unless someone makes arrangements for their blood to be scrutinised, then it will go undetected until it is so far advanced that the lack of functioning white cells and platelets gives rise to the symptoms.

Aren’t we supposed to be in a time of austerity? Cutbacks all round? A mass physical screening of the population is going to cost a fortune. Whilst at college (in the early 1980s) I can remember being told of such a pilot scheme that was done in Orpington. Tremendous public expense, and no new cases of cancers found at all. And surely the general public must bear some of the blame. If they feel unwell, or have an odd lump, then they should go see the doctor, and not put it off whilst the lump gets bigger. Or am I missing something?

I went to work for the morning where I did a wonderful job which is utterly undervalued by the media (sulk, sulk!) and then popped in to the home brew shop to have a chat. They seemed to think that my plan to brew beer in closed containers is a winning scheme. I bought a hydrometer whilst I was there. It would be nice to know how strong the beer I’m brewing will be.

And then to the railway station to meet up with the Ashford based contingent of our party. “Daddies Little Angel ^TM ”’s mate was back from Italy, but we didn’t tell her that. Instead we arranged for Sofia to meet us at the railway station. We thought it might make a nice surprise for her. It did; she’s excitable at the best of times, but her squeals went supersonic.

Eventually everyone was together and I shepherded thirteen of us onto the train, and then we had a crafty half. I’d brought a back-pack full of beer, and it was rather heavy so I thought I might lighten the load. And with the first bottle drunk I could see the lights ofRye out of the train window. Having been emailing and messaging people about the event for a couple of weeks I thought I should take some responsibility. So I diligently ensured that all of the Ashfordians got to Rye. And with all thirteen of us on the platform of Rye station (and counted twice) my responsibilities were over.

Having checked out the pubs mid-week we then made our way to the Union Inn. Or that is some of us did. As is always the case, trying to organise people is somewhat akin to herding cats. And I must admit to wandering off myself when I saw the stall selling flashing rabbit ears. But the advance party of half a dozen of us found the pub and made a start on the ale, whilst the stragglers and chip-eaters eventually found us later.

After five pints we decided we ought to take up position to watch the procession come past. As fish and chips was passed round we met up with more of our group and exchanged insults. This year our group was perhaps the smallest it has ever been, with only twenty three of us. But we had a great time. It was at this point that we started making serious headway into the bottles of beer we’d brought along, but having drunk a gallon of ale from the pub meant we could use their facilities with a clear conscience. The best part of using their facilities was smuggling the ladies in our group into the cubicle in the pub’s gents to avoid the queue for the ladies. Great fun!

The procession came past – burning torches, everyone in costume, floats and noisy drum bands. I loved it. And then with the procession over, we made our way up to theGun Gardens to watch the fireworks. We’d had discussions in the week about where would be the best place to watch the fireworks. The Gun Gardens had the advantage of height, but it was round the corner a bit from the actual bonfire site. Having said that, the bonfire site itself heaves with tens of thousands of people and is just a tad claustrophobic. In retrospect the Gun Garden isn’t the best place to watch the fireworks. Next year we’ll sort out somewhere else to watch them from.

And then we made our way back down the hill as fast as the crowds would allow us, and having said our goodbyes to friends who’d driven up from deepest Sussex, half a dozen (or so) of us made our way to the railway station. As is always the way at Rye, we’d managed to lose half the party on the way.

There was some minor unpleasantness whilst trying to get to the railway platform. The place was very crowded, but the police didn’t need to be quite so disagreeable. We’ve been going to Rye Bonfire Parade since 2004, and in those six years the only bad experiences I’ve had have been from the arrogant attitude of the police there. Would it have caused the silly constable physical pain to have given me a straight answer to a straight question? I am considering making a formal complaint about the attitude of the police at the station, but it wouldn’t achieve anything.

The train ride home was fun, and I passed round the remains of the bottle of port I’d bought, and we eventually staggered to be some time after midnight (I think – it was all rather vague by that time).

Same time next year… plans are already being made…

14 November 2010 (Sunday) - Remembrance Day

I woke up feeling somewhat under the weather today. I know I shouldn’t drink to excess. But I do. That’s the kind of guy I am. Perhaps (in future) I might lay off the port somewhat?

Today was (in a very small way) one of life’s milestones: over time I’ve developed something of a routine to my life. Certain annual events are great fun and so I make a point of putting them into my calendar – kite festivals and beer festivals spring to mind. And from October to November it’s the bonfire season. I love the torchlight parades and fireworks. And I especially like the bit where we get to meet up with friends and family who we rarely see because we all live so far apart. And now with Rye Bonfire Parade but a happy memory and my hangover fading, this year’s bonfire season is over.

I rather wasted the day today – we had vague plans to go for a walk round the Brabourne estate and look for deer. But the rain didn’t stop, and so I alternated between sleeping in front of the telly and sleeping in front of playing NeverWinter Nights.

In previous years after the Rye Bonfire Parade I have dragged my carcass (and my hangover) to the Gardens of Remembrance to be with the cubs and scouts for the Remembrance service.

When I have been to remembrance services in the past there has been representation from pretty much the entire town. Wreaths were laid by all armed forces, scouting, guides, all three cadet forces, St John's, the council, the police, fire brigade, ambulance brigade, chamber of commerce, rotary club... anyone who wanted to take part would seem to be welcome. Whilst standing there shivering I would look at all the old servicemen with their medals. We would remember those who weren’t there. And I would reflect on the fact that I’ve never been in the armed forces. It’s because of what the old soldiers did in the past that I have never had to be.

Or that is I would try to reflect. But I never felt comfortable at those services. Whilst I am in no way whatsoever undermining the idea of remembrance services, it annoys me that they have been hijacked by organised religion; specifically the Christian Church. Am I alone in seeing the Church as being hypocritical here?

I can’t (in all conscience) go to a service in which I (and everyone else) intend to remember the sacrifices of heroes, but instead we are forced to put up with a vicar contradicting himself whilst spouting religious gibbering. Gibbering to which (quite frankly) the vast majority of the audience are not listening and do not believe.

Why can’t the local remembrance service be lead by the Mayor or by some other local dignitary? Or better still a retired soldier who knows what he’s talking about?

15 November 2010 (Monday) - The Legal System

To Tesco to get lunch. On my receipt I saw that they asked me “How did we do?” and they asked me to tell them about my shopping trip. Well, since they asked, I posted on their feedback form:

“I wasn’t happy when I arrived at the store – I had to navigate my car through the trolleys that were strewn around the car park. In years gone by I would have been met by a smiling member of staff. Today I was met with a surly grunt from a surly grunt who was openly watching me to check I didn’t steal anything. The staff filling the shelves made it crystal clear that I was in their way. And when I came to use the self-service tills I had my goods snatched from my hands by a member of staff who clearly didn’t’ think I was using the checkout fast enough. Even though no one else was queuing. “How did we do?”: 0/10. Must try harder.

I also feel that I should point out that I’ve been to this store many times over the last few years, and today was typical of my experiences.”

They did ask for my ClubCard number – I might get some free tokens off of them for my troubles. We shall see.

On my way home I was listening to the Justice Secretary on the radio. He was outlining the government’s plans to shake up the legal aid system. The tax payer will no longer have to foot the bill for legal squabbles arising from relationship break-ups, school admissions and expulsions quibbles, and clinical negligence. Apparently these can mostly be dealt with outside of the court system, and if they can’t then the public are referred to the “no win – no fee” scheme. The Justice Secretary said "it cannot be right that the taxpayer is footing the bill for unnecessary court cases which would never have even reached the courtroom door, were it not for the fact that somebody else was paying". He went on to say that the government is unhappy with the fact that we have a very litigious society, and that the government isn’t going to subsidise it any more.

That is twice in less than seven days that I have found myself agreeing with the government. Perhaps I’m sickening for something… However….

I might invite my loyal readers to consider the point of view that rather than subsidising a very expensive process, the government might like to address the question of why is it that only the extremely rich can afford to use the justice system…?

16 November 2010 (Tuesday) - In The Future

One of our trainees was griping today about how she’d suffered as a child. She wasn’t allowed a mobile phone until she was fourteen years old. How things have changed…

When I was a lad we didn’t have mobile phones. In fact most people didn’t even have a phone in the house. And those that did had a phone with a dial on the thing. Not buttons, but a dial. Not that the dial actually did anything. Hastings was one of the last places in England to get STD (Standard Trunk Dialling!) and so when we picked up the phone we waited for the operator to come on the line and ask us for the number we wanted. If we wanted to phone outside the Hastings area we would tell the operator, hang up and wait for her to phone us back. If we wanted to speak to relatives in South London, it could take up to quarter of an hour to connect us.

Today everyone has a mobile phone in their pocket. A device which is a phone, a camera, a satellite navigation system and a games console all in one. And less than a quarter of the size of the phone which I had as a child.

For many of us the TV programs we watched as children were in black and white – colour telly was for the elite. Breakfast television programmes did not exist. We had three channels of TV. Schools programmes ran in the morning; there were kids programmes, the news and Crown Court at mid day, then the telly closed down for the afternoon. It came back at 4pm, and closed down (playing the National Anthem) round about midnight.

Today we have a thousand channels of 24/7 drivel. All available in most homes on High Definition screens and in Dolby surround sound too.

And calculators. My first calculator cost my father a week’s wages. Kids today don’t have calculators as such. They use the calculator function on their mobile phones, which are far superior to what I had in the mid-1970s.

And the Internet – a world of information at my fingertips. I have instant contact with friends all over the world. Teenage boys will never need to attempt to illegally buy or steal jazz mags because of the smut on the Internet.

The world today isn’t at all what I imagined when I was young. Technologically we are (in many ways) streets ahead of where we thought we’d be. Look at the science fiction of the time. I’ve recently been re-reading sci-fi from the fifties and sixties. The novels of Asimov and Clarke now seem rather outdated. Or look at Captain Kirk’s communicator. A rather pathetic device compared to my Nokia N8.

As a teenager I was so impressed with having a colour telly and a calculator. And I had several friends who were jealous of me because of that. And now I look back in a rather condescending sort of way. I wonder what my blog entry in November 2050 will make of today’s technology….

But then again, look at what we haven’t achieved. As a child I watched the moon landings. I remember the Apollo 13 disaster: I was there. And it was common knowledge that men would be walking on Mars by the mid 1980s. Didn’t happen. It doesn’t look like humanity will even have the ability to get back to the moon for at least another ten years (at the soonest). I’m sadly coming to the conclusion that I will not live long enough to see people land on Mars.

Matter transportation, “beaming up” and warp drive remain still theoretically impossible.

Or look at Star Trek again. And the 2001 books and films. For all the computing power that is now so readily available, HAL 9000 and Daystrom’s M5 are still in the realms of fantasy.

Perhaps my blog in forty years time might tell a different tale…?

And in closing, this video seemed somewhat appropriate for an aging Sparks fan….

17 November 2010 (Wednesday) – Religion

Today I renewed my ordination. For those of my loyal readers who were unaware of the fact, I am an ordained minister of religion, and I am entitled to use the title “Reverend”.

I have actually been able to do this for some time. The other day I realised I’d not heard from my Church for a while. It turned out they’d had a major I.T. failure and lost all the clergy’s details. But now I’ve re-registered, I am raring to once again take up my ministry.

As a minister of the Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic, I am available to do pretty much everything and anything that your average vicar gets called on to do. I have formal guidelines on a wide range of duties I might perform, including visiting the sick and housebound, conducting weddings and civil partnership celebrations, ceremonies for the naming of children, funerals, the saying of grace before a meal, and even on taking confessions.

In short, I can do anything your average vicar, priest, rabbi or any religious leader can do, but without “the God bit” thrown in. (Mind you, we don’t do circumcisions on minors!)

There are those who say that the entire concept of Apathetic Agnosticism is silly. To which I would answer by quoting the three main tenets of my faith:

(However, our apathy to the question of God's existence does not necessarily mean we are apathetic about promoting agnosticism.)

I would suggest that most of my critics couldn’t express their religious views so succinctly. And I would also ask that if this is a ridiculous viewpoint, then how would one describe the banning of pigs from kiddies farmyard toy sets for fear of offending the religious…?

18 November 2010 (Thursday) - This and That...

This morning I received a very complimentary comment on yesterday’s blog post. “Good work! Your post is an excellent example of why I keep comming back to read your excellent quality content that is forever updated. Thank you! armani watches for men”. And the chap then went on to add a link to a web site where he is selling watches. They could be good watches; they could be rubbish. I neither know nor care. All I know is that I’m not going to advertise his tat for him.

You’d think he’d get the message; after all he’s posted the same comment (complete with spelling mistake) to several of my blog posts over the last week and followed each one up with a link to websites selling either watches or handbags.

It’s a shame that the software doesn’t seem to have a “report spammer” option. Oh well, if the nuisance posts continue I’ll just tweak up the settings on exactly who can make comments. Or specifically who can’t.

From email to snail mail. My post piles up so quickly. And it’s mostly all rubbish. I’m sure I don’t ask for these people to write to me,

Two magazines from the scout association. It’s now over two years since I packed up with the cubs, and still they send me their literature.

A letter about an ISA. I’ve absolutely no idea what that is all about, but it says about large sums of money. I shall keep that letter. The mortgage endowment is finishing within the next year, and far from being the moneyspinner that our financial advisor (father in law!) claimed it would be, it’s actually been money down the toilet. This ISA might help cover the shortfall.

BT again offered me their Broadband cheaply and Aviva again offered to insure my motorbike (eight years after I last rode one). WyeVale wrote to apologize to me that I’ve not spent enough with them recently (i.e. anything at all) to warrant getting any money-off vouchers this quarter. Bovvered?

The mobile phone people wrote to confirm the agreement under which I’ve got my new mobile with them. Apparently part of the package is something called “top shelf”. No one mentioned that before. “Top shelf” sounds a bit dubious. Free smut? I phoned them up to find out about this. Apparently I can use my phone to download filth. That’s nice (!)

Regular readers based in the UK may recall a news article about British Gas putting up their gas prices. The power company have written to me with the payment plan for the next year. Based on my usage over the last year, next year my gas bill is being reduced by thirteen quid each month. That’s a result. And when you consider my new boiler which (from what I’ve heard) has halved other people’s gas usage, I might be looking to get even more savings.

I found an envelope full of screen protectors for my new phone. I’d bought them on eBay and forgotten all about them.

And I found an invitation to take part in the KM charity walk which took place on Sunday June 13 this year. I couldn’t have gone anyway (I was in Teston), but where had that letter been all these months?

I was on a late start this morning, so with the house to myself I watched a DVD. A couple of weeks ago I went to the CEX shop in town and bought some DVDs. One of them was the first season of “Gavin and Stacey”. Over the last few months various people had commented that they thought I’d like it - I can’t believe I’d never seen it before. I finished watching the DVD today. It was brilliant. I actually blubbed when they got married. I think I might just put the complete DVD set onto my Xmas list. You never know your luck.

And then I had what I can only describe as a “Brown Trousers” moment. Having watched all the devastation in Cornwall caused by the recent flooding I got a text alert on my mobile. It was an automated notification from the government’s flood warning system. I’ve never had one of those before. But twenty years ago the Stour did burst its banks and there are pictures on the Internet of floods in my road. Once my heart stopped pounding I actually opened the text message. Expecting the worst, I was so relieved to see that they were merely telling me that they were updating their website.

And I’ll end with a little bit of politics. In my thirty years in the NHS I’ve seen some changes. The way the NHS is run changes all the time. The latest plan is to re-organise so that the entire NHS is commanded by the GPs. But this isn’t a new idea - am I the only one who can remember that this has already been tried. Does the phrase “GP Fundholders” ring any bells?

Did it work when it was introduced in 1991?

I don’t know. It’s been shown that there was absolutely no evidence as to whether it might have worked or not. Instead the decisions to implement the scheme and the decision (under a different government seven years later) to abolish it were taken purely on political and ideological grounds.

It’s rather strange that if I want to make the slightest change to how I perform my professional duties I have to fulfil a myriad of regulations to prove beyond any doubt that the proposed change is for the better. If researchers have ideas for new treatments, these must be radically tested to destruction before they can even reach the clinical trials stage. But the entire structure of the NHS can be reformed on the whim of current political opinion with no evidence whatsoever as to whether or not the idea is good, bad or just plain stupid…

How many other decisions in government are made this way? How are the police, the armed forces, schools, the nation’s transport infrastructure organised? Are they subject to sensible management? Are they run on sound financial principals? Or are they run at the whim of political ideology too…?

19 November 2010 (Friday) - Perrins and Windsors

I don’t watch much telly these days. Instead I prefer to find out what other people have watched. And then on other people’s recommendations I beg, borrow or steal entire seasons of shows on DVD. Thereby watching the entire lot in one go, and missing out all the dull adverts. The drawback with this scheme is that one is rather dependent on other people actually telling me what’s on the telly.

Zaphod Beeblebrox once said “See what you miss if you don't stay alert”. Clearly I’ve not been alert. Did you know they’ve re-made Reggie Perrin? Yes? So did everyone else except me. And to add insult to injury I’ve been watching the originals on UK Gold at silly o’clock in the morning recently.

As for the remake, I’ve only seen a couple of episodes so far (on the BBC i-player), but I like what I’ve seen. Martin Clunes makes a good Reggie, and it’s got the bloke from “Game On” as C.J., and (in an improvement on the original) Reggie has a fit bird to fantasize over.

I shall add this program to my “want list” for Xmas…

Also on my “want list” for Xmas is (realistically) a new PC. My current one is now four years old, and is beginning to creak. It keeps freezing and it currently sounds like a helicopter trying to take off. I can’t help but wonder what’s hot and what’s not in the world of new desktop PCs. Any advice from loyal readers would be welcomed.

And amid the excitement of Prince William’s forthcoming nuptials, Prince Charles has intimated that when he becomes King he would like his wife to be crowned Queen. Even though he’d bowed to perceived public pressure in the past and said she’d be a Princess Consort.

It strikes me that this move signifies either one of two things. Either Charles won’t become King at all and when the time comes he will pass the monarchy on to William, making a show of taking offence rather like Edward VIII did when he couldn’t have Mrs Simpson as Queen.

Or finally the general public have finally realised that “Diana Queen of Hearts” wasn’t quite the saint that the press had painted her to be.

Either way, the royals are back in the news with a minimum of republican furore being stirred up. Which is a good thing...

20 November 2010 (Saturday) - Beer and Cakes

“My Boy ^TM ” was doing overtime this morning. I expect most of my loyal readers heard him getting up quietly at 6am, then silently coming downstairs before making his breakfast (as quietly as a mouse). I breathed a sigh of relief as he finally thundered out of the house at 6.30am.

To work – I too was doing overtime, and after a (thankfully) quiet morning and a quick sandwich I popped round to the home brew shop. They were having a demonstration of how to brew and bottle and generally “make the stuff”. I thought I’d better put all my beer-making on hold until I’d seen today’s demo, and I got there with quarter of an hour to spare, just in case there were loads of people. In the event there was a rather disappointing turn out. There were a pair of mates, one of whom had bought the other a beer-making kit last Xmas and they thought they’d better use the thing. There were a pair of hippies, one of whom claimed to make marmalade beer, and there was a rather quiet chap who seemed to be a friend of the bloke giving the demonstration.

The chap giving the demonstration was very good; knowledgeable but without being condescending in any way. He showed us how to sterilise all the gear and make up a kit of beer. Then we had a “Blue Peter” moment when he produced a barrel of beer he’d made earlier; two weeks earlier. That brew was ready to be bottled, and he showed us how to bottle the stuff. This bit was very “hands on” and I got to have a go. He also showed us (me) the ins and outs of keeping beer in pressure barrels, which I found useful, and a bit of a though-provoker.

I’d been told that the session would probably last for about half an hour: it actually went on for an hour and a half. It was really good. Everyone joined in and chatted, the chap running the show involved everyone, I learned loads. I’ve decided against my original idea of brewing beer in recycled saline boxes. Since they were offering 10% off of purchases for people who’d been to the demonstration I got a fermenter and a pressure barrel.

I also got a complimentary bottle of the beer we bottled this afternoon as well, which (I thought) was a nice touch.

The only reservation I had about the demonstration at the home brew shop was the turn out. I was there because I’m keen on my new-found hobby. I got the impression that the hippies and the friend of the demonstrator were also keen beer brewers. But I don’t think that that the two mates were really going to spend a lot in the brew shop. And in retrospect it was somewhat disconcerting that during the course of the demonstration, not a single customer called in. It has to be said that the shop is more than a little off the beaten track. I hope they stay in business, but they can’t really be described as doing a roaring trade.

And then to Furley Park Primary School. It’s as well that I checked the directions for the place before I set off. I knew where this school was: I’ve known for years. Or so I thought. I actually knew where Wyvern school was. Furley Park is on the other side of town.

Friends were organising an Xmas fete to raise funds for their scout group, and ‘er indoors ^TM was running a candle-flogging stall. I thought I’d wander along to add my (im)moral support. If nothing else, fetes are good places to get cake which is both cheap and of good quality.

The fete was running from 4-7pm. My initial reaction was that that was an odd time to have a fete, but then none of the fetes I’d been involved with when I was a scout leader had been especially lucrative. Perhaps the 1^st Park Farm scout group knew something I didn’t. I arrived to find the fete pretty much set up. In fact all that was missing were punters. There seemed to be quite a few people milling round, but most of them seemed to be like me – “hangers-on” of the various stalls. Of the few customers we had, few were remarkable. There was a rather aggressive looking lady who refused to part with any money on any stall because “it would be a waste of money as I don’t live in Ashford” (!) I laughed as her child started eating the make-up products on the Body Shop stall. And there was a visiting child who was a dead ringer for Draco Malfoy (of Harry Potter fame). Unfortunately Furley Park school isn’t ideally placed to pick up passing trade, and it’s probably fair to say that the fete was never really busy at any point.

There was a respectable turn-out from the astro club, and I had a good chat with friends. I had a go on the badge making stall, and then I made myself rather ill from eating too many cakes. And then with someone else calling the raffle (makes a change!) we packed up early and came home.

Was the event profitable for the scouts? I don’t know. Talking to stallholders I got the impression the thing wasn’t a washout. I hope they made enough. If anyone deserves cash, it’s the scout association.

And then home. I’ve got my fermenter filled with sterilising solution ready for tomorrow (when I intend to get my beer for Xmas started). And I’ve lifted my barrel of stout into position for dispensing. The formal launch of the produce of “The Manky Brewery” will be on Tuesday evening, but I have to admit I’ve had a crafty sip of the stuff.

I’m reasonably impressed. I’ve tasted worse…

21 November 2010 (Sunday) - Lamberhurst Xmas Fayre

Once again an early start. ‘er indoors ^TM had arranged to flog candles to an unsuspecting public at the Lamberhurst Village Xmas Fayre, And I’d arranged to go along for want of anything better to do.

We arrived to find consternation. It turned out that Virginia wasn’t able to be there today, and so the organisers were in uproar. It would seem that Virginia was the only person who could do the washing up. The entire catering department of the event was on hold, pending cancellation until a decision could be made. I’ve no idea what that decision was, or what they did, but tea and coffee were available. Either Virginiaeventually turned up, or they saved the dirties for her.

“George” showed us where we could set up our stall. We were squeezed in between someone selling really hideous tat on one side, and a fit bird flogging silver jewellery on the other. The tat was truly awful. It was home made papier mache vases and jugs (starting at fiufteen quid each). The only conceivable use these might have would be that when the charity collectors call, you might have something that you can give away. The fit bird had jewellery for sale which wasn’t too shabby, but she wasn’t giving it away. Mind you, no one was giving anything away. There was some woman knocking out stuff from “My Secret Kitchen” – the ingredients to make (most of) a loaf of bread cost a tenner. Another stall was flogging home made linen hobby horses for twenty quid. And there were some truly terrible floral arrangements to be had for thirty quid.

And again this place summed up what is wrong with the entire concept of running a stall at a village fete. The idea is to get cash from the general public. But the general public don’t come to these things to spend money. The general public (by and large) stay at home. Those that do venture to a show such as today’s come along, grumble how much it all costs, and then go home again.

Most (all) of the punters who were parting with their hard-earned cash today were spending it on stalls run by their friends; having arranged in advance to come along to support their friends’ stall(s). I couldn’t work that one out at all. If you’re going to be selling to your mates, why bother paying for a stall in a draughty village hall? Why not just invite your mates round and flog your stuff to them from the comfort of your own living room?

It was very obvious that those stalls making money were those run by people who had got all their mates to come along. Every sale made on any stall was accompanied by a ten minute chat about old times and mutual friends and relatives. Those of us (and there were quite a few of us) who had travelled a long distance didn’t get a sniff.

The only good thing that could be said about the day was that when the raffle was drawn, I won the Xmas cake.

We packed up and on the way home we stopped at Biddenden Vineyard where I got a tray of Blues. If my home-made Stout fails, I’ll have a back-up plan for Xmas day. And then to Lidls. Lidls were knocking out bottles of MasterBrew at a pound each. It’s not my favourite beer, but I’ve had much worse in my time.

And then home where I’ve now got the next batch of stout on the go. Five gallons of the stuff. It is just sitting in a huge bucket in my back room at the moment. I hope it will turn out OK…

22 November 2010 (Monday) – Frustrating

A rather frustrating day at work. In early September I mentioned that the management were trying to arrange for us to record our continuing professional development on commercially available software. At the time I said in a meeting that this would be a waste of valuable money when there was something almost identical available free. At that meeting I was rudely dismissed and openly laughed at. Today that meeting reconvened for an update. Those advocating the commercially available software were rather reticent in their progress report. They felt the firm they were dealing with might be ready in a few months time (or it might not). I “engaged gloat mode” and told the meeting that my freebie version had been running for over two months.

After the meeting the lady who was pushing to spend the money amazed me. She had to go to another meeting. It turned out that she’s a school governor, and there was a meeting at the school to go over the details of the second round of redundancies being made at that school. Apparently it was going to be terrible and heartbreaking (I imagine it would be!), but there was nothing anyone could do about it. I naively suggested that there might be something she could do; namely not vote for the redundancies. But that wasn’t possible. You weren’t allowed to be a governor unless you voted for what “they” wanted to do. I asked who “they” were, but was met with a confused stare. “They” would seem to be the people who run the school. I thought that was the governors…?

One of the chaps at work was relating his worries; his girlfriend wants them to get engaged. This couple have been together for ten years, have bought a house together, have had two children together, but he absolutely refuses to get engaged to the girl. What’s that all about?

And then on the way home I heard something on the radio which put my sad life into perspective. Wei Jinpeng was until recently a fisherman on the Yellow River. He’s given up fishing. Instead he retrieves human corpses from the river and then sells them to the grieving relatives who come looking for the bodies of their missing loved ones. Charging three hundred pounds a time, and retrieving about a hundred bodies a year, he’s found something rather more lucrative than fishing.

The radio article was rather vague on the details of how there comes to be so many corpses floating down the Yellow river. Probably just as well…

23 November 2010 (Tuesday) - Home Brew(s)