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01
January 2008 (Tuesday) - New Year's Day
My
red pants did the trick last night, and after an hour of passing the parcels
left, right, up, down and in every direction known to science, I finally
guzzled the Oyster Stout. I spent the morning at something of a loose end,
waiting for everyone else to get out of their pits. This seems to be
something of a theme at the moment. As
I write this, I’m looking out at a garden fence that needs painting, and a
lawn that needs mowing. Is it too early to do these in January, or is it
another sign of global warming? And
so to Folkestone to collect the Espace – can’t think what it’s doing there.
Did a bit of shopping whilst I was at it. That is I tried to do a bit of
shopping – all the lame girlie shops were open, but the ones I wanted to go
in were closed. A quick detour to Hosey’s where a
smashing dinner was scoffed – the littlun’s got a lego “Krusty Krab” – how cool is that? And
then to eBay – I’ve ordered up the latest NeverWinter boxed set – I’m hoping
that will work. If it don’t I’ll cry |
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02
January 2008 (Wednesday) - My Mate Rick
I
felt like death warmed up last night – so much so that I was in bed by
9.30pm. Today…… for the last few weeks I’ve been switching from feeling
grotty to feeling fine and back again every hour or so. And I’ve got an
intermittent sore throat which I blame on a dodgy breakfast kipper a week or
so ago. Oh well, mustn’t grumble - I’ll either get better or croak. Perhaps
I’ll rephrase that – seeing as I’m going to croak anyway (Dec 3rd 2035 according to
the death clock) let’s hope I get better before I croak. One
of my many plans for the New Year was to give up with FaceBook
– it’s absolute rubbish. I was poised to delete my
account when an old friend got in touch that way. When “Manky Badger” first hit
the air waves of CB radio, “Dicky
Doughnut” was there as well. We used to bugle together in the
Boys Brigade some twenty five years ago. His brother married the girl who did
my first piercing. We were part of the “old
boys’ gang” that ran a hiking-camping contest for the Boys
Brigade up until 1999. I last saw him some five years ago when we spent an
afternoon in the pub at Icklesham. He likes ravioli, and he gets the beers
in. I’m hoping I shell meet up with him soon – after all the FILO is in his
home town…. |
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03
January 2008 (Thursday) - A Rant about Money
There
was an article on the radio tonight when a leading pharmaceutical company was
being harangued about why they felt they would have a cure for baldness
before they had a cure for malaria. The reason – it’s rather obvious. There’s
more money to be had from the bald than there is from those with malaria. The
radio show then observed that for all the poverty in India, the average local
there could afford many of the pharmaceuticals because as a nation they’d
gone for cheap generic drugs, not overpriced brand named ones. I’m
reminded of a commercial rep (many years ago) trying to sell me his
overpriced software, and suggesting I asked the Hospital’s League of Friends
to stump up for it. I told him he could give it to me as an act of charity,
and I never heard from his company again. I’m
also reminded of an interview I had last year with a large pharmaceutical
firm. When being shown around their (huge) premises I was told that
the work of one lab paid for the entire building. Yesterday
I was offered the opportunity to buy the plaque pictured above. Many years
ago some bunch in America latched on to one of the pictures on a kiting
website (http://www.e-l-f.org.uk/ -
click on “Galleries of Past Events” – Sept 2001 - second piccy down on the
left). They entered this piccy in some contest or other, and every few
weeks they try to sell something to me on the strength of that photo.
Apparently this month I’ve received the “Editor’s Choice Award” – an
award which will only cost me $89. Presumably enough idiots stump up each
month to make it worth their while continuing their doing this. So
what’s this rant about? On the one hand, surely money should be spent on a
cure for malaria before profits are made on a cure for baldness? On the other
hand if someone is dumb enough to buy a certificate which certifies they have
spent $89 dollars on it, should they be free to do so? And
I was worrying about how right wing I thought I was becoming….. |
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04 January 2008 (Friday) - Life SkyPlus forgot to record “Treacle People” this
morning. Apparently setting a reminder is different to setting it to record.
What’s the good of it reminding me if I’m having a shave at the time? Whilst
I’m banging on about quality TV, do any of my loyal readers remember “Scratchy & Co”? It
was the brill show where “Animaniacs” and
” Pinky and the Brain” started off on UK
screens. “Scratchy”
has been done by the law on suspicion of murdering
his girlfriend. Who would have believed it? On
the way back to Ashford from Canterbury this morning I thought I’d pop into
the aquatic section of WyeVale for some pond supplies. Will I never learn
about that place? Me:
Hello Twit:
He—ll—oooo (in a tone reminiscent of Insanity
Prawn Boy) Me:
Do you have any pond lights? Twit:
(stares blankly) Me:
Pond Light? Twit:
Uh? Me:
Lights that go in your pond? Twit:
Pond? Me:
This *is* an aquatic supplies shop? Twit:
(Looks around – seems
shocked to see fish tanks etc…) Me:
Pond lights? Twit:
Dunno Me:
Shall I come back later? Twit:
We might have some in April…. They’ve
still got that huge pergola I tried to buy six months or more ago. I keep
going back there. I really shouldn’t – it’s not good for my blood pressure. I
need to relax. I need more “Treacle
People” ! |
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05
January 2008 (Saturday) - "And one was so big it won prizes"
Up
at 6am and off to Devizes to meet the man with the mega-Koi (and, presumably, with the “objects”
of different sizes,). Despite his mother’s panicking, “My Boy TM”
offered to do the driving, and six motorways, four counties and 150 miles
later we were there. I say Devizes – we met him at a bus stop somewhere near
junction 16 of the M4. On the way we stopped for brekkie – aren’t motorway
service stations a rip-off. The services near Swindon offered a “full English breakfast (!)”
of two scratty sausages, an egg and a few beans for
£8.99. Stuff that. We settled for the breakfast deal at Burger King. Two
breakfasts at £5.49 is….. ? The idiot behind the till took a dozen goes at
the till before giving up and using arithmetic to come up with the price that
I’d got by multiplying 5.49 by 2. I was hoping she would find a total that I
would be happy with, but left to her own meagre devices (i.e. the till) she never
got it less than £13. “Dave” is now in the pond
with the other “Daves”.
He is now the biggest Koi we have. An excellent eBay bargain – even including
the cost of collecting him he was still half the price I would have paid in
any local Koi shop. I’m a bit worried that whilst all the other fish are
swimming about, the new one’s just sitting at the bottom doing nothing. I’m
desperately hoping that he’s just recovering from the stress of the journey –
the chap from Devizes has positive feedback from people in Scotland who’ve driven
down and collected similar fish and taken them back home several hundred
miles and they’ve been fine. But I’m still rather concerned that tomorrow’s
blog will feature an obituary. Oh well - time will tell – it always does. And
talking of eBay bargains, I now have four sets of pink poker chips – I really
must organise a cards night. The
afternoon was spent putting up new shelves and re-organising my back room.
After a load of fiddling around and mucking about and swearing I’ve acquired
maybe a metre more shelf space. Still not got enough! I need to throw away a
lot of stuff. If only I didn’t need so much junk….. |
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06
January 2008 (Sunday) - "They peel them with their metal knives" Pond
update - "Dave"
is swimming around with the other fish. He's swimming slowly, but so are all
the other fish - it's a cold day. “My Boy TM”
fancied some mashed potato last night, but being a lazy chap he thought he'd
use the instant stuff. Being even lazier he made the whole lot in the
electric kettle. And he boiled it in the kettle. I
first wised up to the fact that something was amiss when the kettle was
frothing, and now (having
given it a good scrubbing) the thing doesn't boil - it merely
gets a bit warm and then cuts out. He claims he's always made instant mash
that way. I can't help but worry about what other little schemes of his are
waiting to be discovered. I wonder what he may have been putting in washing
machines which might explain why we've got through so many just lately. A
phone call from the secretary of the Astronomy club - he's got the press
coming to photograph him with a telescope tomorrow evening. Did I want to
come along? Well, I can't make it - I shall be working at the time. But I
find myself asking myself that very question. Do I want to go along? If I did
go, it would probably mean that I was committing to remaining with the club,
but I still can't decide whether or not I want to keep going along. On
reflection I think that this phone call sums up entirely the problem with the
astronomy club - there are those who are organising the club via email and
the web, and there are others who are doing so via telephone & snail mail
with no regard for what's been decided already. I
had this vague plan to go out for a walk, or to go to the pond shop, or to
generally do something today, but in the end I settled for taking an
Espace-full of rubbish to the tip following a mega-tidy-up. I've found some
quality tat, including the DVD "Nightmare
on Porn Street" which I must have bought for a fiver at some
stage. I've put 50+ books (which
were lurking in various places) back onto shelves (must put them in alphabetical order
at some point) and found at least a dozen books that I've
borrowed off other people in the past. I can give them all back now, as well
as several audio books and PC games. It certainly looks tidier, but there's still loads of tat to sort through. I've endless
fragments of computers: some useful, some not so. Trouble is it all looks the
same to me. If anyone wants any CD boxes, I'm your man - they seem too good
to throw away, but I've got dozens of them. They will be in the bin on the
next sort out. Ditto the "Harry
Potter writing set" unless someone wants it.... |
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07
January 2008 (Monday) - A Day in the Life
Pond
update – “Dave” is still swimming around with the other fish. Mind
you, quite often when I go to have a look he’s just sitting there motionless.
He’s either on the way out, or doing it to wind me up. The only drawback with
buying a fish on eBay from someone 150 miles away is that when it croaks I’ve
very little comeback. I’ll not give any feedback for a couple of days and see
how things progress. The
saga of the mashed potato continues. The kettle now is seemingly haunted; it
not only cuts out when being used, but switches itself on at seemingly random
intervals. Fortunately ‘Er Indoors has an
emergency backup kettle which (following an overnight de-scale) has stepped
into the breach. Though I don’t think it will do as a long-term replacement
as it’s probably the wrong colour or some such nonsense. The
morning’s email brings the schedule for the next six months at the Astronomy
club. I’m down to be speaking in February and May. I’ve agreed, provided that
“others” don’t have a rival schedule (and tracing paper) like
they have had in the past. Another email came from Australia from of my
ex-students and fellow snake herd. Mark (known to the brats as “Hippy”)
was a great chap, and he packed up working with me over ten years ago. Having
worked all over the UK, he’s been “down under” for some years and is
planning to marry in July. The wedding is all booked on one of the Greek
islands. Would I like to go to the wedding? Well, yes I would, but it clashes
with Brighton Kite festival. Hosey had a rummage through my drawers
last night (ooer!!), and 99% of my
computer fragments went up the tip this morning. I’ve decided to be ruthless
with my tat – anything which has been gathering dust for more than a year or
two is going in the bin. There’s loads of CD boxes
to go, the “Harry Potter Writing Set”, coffee jars. I’ve got three (out
of date) ordnance survey maps of the Hastings area. Empty coffee jars –
the posh ones with the stopper-type lids? They look too good to throw away,
but they just accumulate. My old Boys Brigade uniform: I left the BB in 1984,
but I’ve still got the uniform. Looking on eBay there’s no resale value on it
at all. I sold an old Boys Brigade badge on eBay a couple of years ago. You
would think that a souvenir badge from the coronation in 1937 would be worth
something. I got 99p. Once the tat is out of the way I can start clearing the
shelves of books I’m never going to read…. |
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08
January 2008 (Tuesday) - Big Girls Don't Cry
One of the young leaders was singing
tonight. In the words of his song "Big Girls Don't Cry". One of the
braver cubs announced they did if you hit them hard enough. As a pre-emptive
measure, the girl cubs kicked the proverbial out of him before I could
intervene. And then a game. I say a game. Fifteen minutes waiting for them to
shut up is closer to the truth. And then dealing with mega-strops because
they didn't get their goes because they were too busy talking whilst I told
them the rules. I'll hang on to the end of the month because I've promised to
help with the Euro-Disney trip, but if Tuesdays at the scout hut continue
being the total waste of my time that tonight was, I shall pack it in. I've
really had enough of it. In the meantime, the closet carry on fan
claims to have no idea what goes on in the Wonderland Zoo: |
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09
January 2008 (Wednesday) - Back to NeverWinter
Some months ago NeverWinter Nights blew up
on my PC, and all my attempts to re-install it failed. I roughed it with “Star
Trek Away Team” and “Voyager Elite Force” for a bit, but they
weren’t the same. And all the time I kept trying to re-install NeverWinter
Nights,, and every time the installation didn’t work
– when I came to play it kept asking for the game key. I eventually had this
idea that the original CDs were knacked, so last week I sent off for new CDs
from eBay. They arrived yesterday. Persuading my boss I did’t
need to go to a meeting in Margate this afternoon I blagged an afternoon off
work (some things are that important), installed it all, and bish-bosh here we go again. It’s only now that I realise what probably
went wrong. During the installation process I had to register the game. I
suspect that when I came to re-install, if I’d asked Atari, they’d have sent
me new CD keys. But if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back
to NeverWinter. Whilst I’ve been gone, those orcs and trolls have run riot.
They don’t kill themselves, you know. |
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10
January 2008 (Thursday) - Doing my Blood Pressure No Good At All
Now I knew there was going to be an article
in the paper about the astronomy club, and I really shouldn’t get worked up
about what I read in the papers – I’m sure a lot of it is made up by the
reporters using poetic licence, but (at
the risk of being pedantic): ·
The attendance over the last few months has
been seven at most ·
Martin Hemsley is NOT the leader of the
club – there have been discussions on two separate occasions when it was
decided that leaders and committees and the like weren’t wanted.
·
His telescope wasn’t paid for by his giving
up smoking ·
My name is spelt wrongly
·
There have been no talks on the sun or the
moon ·
There have been no instructional evenings
·
There have been no viewing sessions I’m afraid that the article is (at best) misleading, and
I’m rather concerned that people are going to turn up to be disappointed. Whilst I’m having a rant, why can no one
ever agree with what any government does? Take the furore over the plans for
a new generation
of nuclear power stations. Now we’ve got three choices: 1. Dramatically
cut the nation’s energy usage 2. TOTALLY
stuff up the environment by burning stuff to make energy
3. Nuclear
power Who’s going to give up driving to work and
watching telly? And I think that we’re all rather worried about climate
change. So, option 3 it is. I’m going to NeverWinter to take out my
temper on some trolls. |
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11
January 2008 (Friday) - Camping
It’s
pouring hard outside. As I write, our scouts are setting up their tents at
Gilwell for the national scouts’ winter camp. Thousands of scouts and leaders
will spend the weekend in a swamp in Essex, up to their knees in mud. We will
have wet muddy tents around the scout hut for at least two weeks whilst we
try to dry them. They must be mad! But no one is forcing any scout to go, and
there’s twenty-one of our scouts there (and
half a dozen leaders) who all wanted to go on what I consider to
be a fool’s errand. But they love it! Several
of them asked me if I was going, and seemed quite disappointed that I wasn’t.
However, I play a vital part in the winter camp. I’m the home contact. If any
of them succumb to swamp fever, trench foot, malaria, frostbite, or any
combination of these, it’s my job to tell their mummies and daddies. |
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12
January 2008 (Saturday) - Bow Snarrows
As today was the only day for ages that was
forecast not to be pouring hard, I was keen to get out and about to do
something. To do anything, rather than being stuck indoors. I’d only spend
the day in NeverWinter. Having been back on-line with it for three days, I’ve
lost three days in there already. It was suggested that we go for a stroll –
I was keen. But a change of plan – bow snarrows! As
we haven’t done that for months, I was up for it, and before long half a
dozen of us were ensconced at the farm propelling
arrows in various directions. Mostly (but
by no means entirely) in the general direction of the targets.
However it has to be said that an innocent shrubbery took an unfair amount of
hits. I maintain there were Frenchies lurking in
the undergrowth. It’s funny how much easier it is to shoot accurately in
NeverWinter. Whilst the “Wiganfolk of Women” (sic) went off to cluck
at sheep, a “newby-twanger”
demonstrated the “Hunting
Pose TM”. I must admit that I was impressed with the “Hunting Pose TM”,
and when it comes to shooting arrows at a picture of a rat, it can’t be
bettered. But were it my husband performing that pose, I would find it
necessary to check his undercrackers once he’d got
home. I’ve tried the “Hunting
Pose TM” myself, but find it chafes somewhat. I tried
to photograph it for posterity, but wasn’t quick enough. Which
is probably just as well. I’m reliably informed that it looks quite
macho, but only when performed by certain archers. Apparently “Batty looks gay when he does it”…. |
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13
January 2008 (Sunday) - British Bullfrog
The last birthday party we staged for any
of our brats was when “My Boy TM” was five years old. After
that we went to McDonald’s every time. My nephew’s fourth birthday party was
in a nearby church hall, and I suspect next year we’ll be trundling down for
a McParty. I say “fourth birthday” – birthday
cards received covered the age range from three to five, and one card was
brave enough to say it had no idea how old he was. There were quite a few
kids there (I’m told there were thirty-six invited) with ages ranging
from four to early teens. As well as all his nursery school friends, Thomas
invited a lot of the local hooligans with whom he plays “British Bullfrog”
every evening. I can only describe “British Bullfrog” as an incredibly
lame version of “British Bulldog” which would seem to be played by
puffs. When the cubs play “British Bulldog” it’s full-on contact,
violence, aggro, and tears at least every two seconds. “British Bullfrog”
has much the same rules, but with girlie-tagging in place of the aggro. As is so often the case at these sorts of
parties I got co-opted to shout, holler and organise everyone (apparently
I can be rather loud?). Various cousins looked on in amazement as I
bellowed at the assembled throng to “Siddahn
and Shaddap”. Well, if they didn’t like it,
they won’t ask me to do it again…. Once all the pressies
were handed over, we had a few goes of “British Bullfrog” followed by
pass the parcel, musical bumps, and then the obligatory bunfight. With
assorted relatives having been cooking since 6am, there was a decent spread –
plenty for everyone. Were it up to me I would have followed the scoffing with
something nice and physical (last one to be sick is the winner), but
instead it was another dose of “pass the parcel”. Same time next year….. I think I’ll suggest
a McParty. |
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14
January 2008 (Monday) - News ?
The inquest into the death of Diana
Princess of Wales today heard from her ex-butler who reckoned she wasn’t
putting it about as some of the sleazier rumours would have us believe. He
also thought the Queen wasn’t masterminding a plot to have her killed either.
What a twat – how on earth are they going to drag this whole charade out any
longer without dirt and gossip? Before long, the general public will wise up
to the fact she’s been dead ten years. Meanwhile in NeverWinter I’ve found this
amazing red suit of armour. For those sad acts who appreciate such trivia,
the armour has the lowest AC you’ll ever find, but
puts your charisma through the roof. |
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15
January 2008 (Tuesday) - Stuff
I wasn’t supposed to be at Cubs tonight – I
was supposed to be with a cub pack in Folkestone, but “Operation Stack” put
paid to that idea. The weather put a lot of cubs off coming tonight, but
those that arrived were in fine form. “Princess
Prawn Cocktail” now goes by the name of “Princess Smoky Bacon”. “Dimwit” is still
searching for another alias. “Pinky and the Twit” (pictured above) sang their new theme tune: “We’re Pinky
and the Twit, Pinky and the Twit One is a genius,
the other is sh……” It was at this point that I rather felt I
needed to take a firm line. And then home to find that Kate needed a lift to
Canterbury…. |
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16
January 2008 (Wednesday) - Dogs
One of my staff was late in to work today.
Her “Lame Excuse TM” was that she’s captured a stray dog
and had to return said mutt to its home. I must admit that as lame excuses
go, it’s quite a good one. She claims to find strays at the rate of one a
month – that’s quite good going! |
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17
January 2008 (Thursday) - Venus
A day off work – if only to use up my
holiday. I get thirty three days leave per year. And half a day extra for
every Saturday morning I work. At one a month that adds up to six more days.
I carried over five days leave from the last leave year, so that gave me….
too much holiday. Bearing in mind everyone I work with is in pretty much the
same boat, as we get to this time of year, people take days off not because
they want to, but because if they don’t they’ll lose the leave. It was
actually with a sense of relief that I learned that I’d had my Easter for
this leave year, and the one in a few weeks time would have to be taken as
holiday. So, what did I do with a wet Thursday in
January? Well, I see that I’m due to talk about the planet Venus in a
few weeks time; so a lot of time today was spent preparing for that. I must
admit I’m no expert on the subject, but it’s amazing what you can find out
from Wikipedia and the NASA website. Bung in a healthy dose of Google Images,
thump it all with PowerPoint and you can come up with a presentation that’s
half-way decent. Did you know that up until the nineteenth century it was
thought Venus had a large moon? And that it rains sulphuric acid there? And
that……. – you’ll have to come along to find out. Do come along. Please! (he begged). Those of my
loyal readers who listened to me drone on about Mars a few weeks ago might
like to hear this sequel. Those of my loyal readers who weren’t there might
like a night out. At the last talk I gave to the astronomy club, half the
audience was my “rent-a-mob.”
In all honesty I’m rather concerned that there won’t be enough of an audience
in six weeks time to make it worth my while. And for the rest of my day off, I’ll do the
laundry. It’s something of a tradition…. |
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18
January 2008 (Friday) - Still Raining
Another day off work – again to use up my
holiday. And again it’s pouring outside, so plans to mow the lawn and paint
fences were put on hold. I did the obligatory tip run. The place was deserted
– no one does rubbish in the rain. I will go there in the rain more often in
future. What often wasted half an hour in the dry took less than two minutes today. I was back home by 9.30am in time to do the
ironing. Having the house to myself, for once I got to use the SkyPlus. I spend £37 a month of my own personal cash for
the SkyPlus, and I am very occasionally grudgingly
allowed to watch “Treacle
People” on it (if
I’m lucky). Well, a month ago I recorded the Battlestar
Galactica movie on SkyPlus,
and this morning I got to watch it. Admittedly I was doing the ironing at the
time, but it was good. I liked it, but in true “Glaktikker” form
there’s a lot of the story told in flashbacks, and watching it with one eye
on the ironing board left me a bit confused in places. I can’t wait for
season four. Trouble is I don’t want to watch it as it comes on the TV. I
prefer to watch a season like I watched the last season of
”Galactica”
– all in one go. Six episodes at once on four consecutive days. I can’t watch
only one episode a week – I forget what’s going on. And then to the KFC for some scran. I’m assuming my loyal readership knows what I mean
by “scran”?
A recent survey at work showed most people under the age of thirty had no
idea what “scran”
is. “Scran”
was scoffed whilst watching the last episode of F.U. Francis Urquhart was a
wonderful Prime Minister – but I’m glad he’s only a fictional character. He’s
quite a nasty piece of work. That DVD boxed set was the best Xmas pressie I’ve had off my mother for years. Far better that
the obligatory “pullover
for the middle aged that I never wear TM”. And then to NeverWinter. Half way through
killing a band of trolls there was a knocking on the door. “Skinhead” had arrived to
see “My Little Girl TM”.
“My Little Girl TM”
was working in Canterbury, and had left instructions for “Skinhead” to wait in her
bedroom. As I type this, “Skinhead”
is tidying “My Little Girl
TM”‘s
bedroom for her. Not out of any sense of loyalty or duty, but so’s she’ll have somewhere to sit down whilst waiting. She can hoover the living room when she’s
done tidying….. |
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19
January 2008 (Saturday) - Five Hundred Blog Entries
The five hundredth blog entry. And with
over twenty-five thousand hits, that’s about fifty hits a day. And I thought
my life was dull – as evidenced by today. Back to work – if only for the morning.
When I first started as an apprentice blood tester, on a busy day we would do
two hundred and fifty blood counts. Today we had more than that left over
from the previous evening. So the morning was spent doing what twenty years
ago would be done by ten people in a whole day. Admittedly there is a degree
of automation these days which would have seemed like sci-fi to the degree of
“Star Trek”
back in the early eighties, but it was still the busiest Saturday morning I’ve
ever worked. Its things like this which those who knock the NHS never see, or
care about. Talking of which I had a complaint today. Some fellow wasn’t
happy. I listened patiently until he called me a
F*!?! dimwit, at which point I told him that Trust
policy said I didn’t have to listen to abuse, and I put the phone down. I
expect that there’ll be a written complaint. I also expect I’ll be in the
wrong again. I usually am. As a treat – McDinner.
I asked for a chicken wrap. I was asked if I wanted Cajun chicken. Rather a
stupid question as that’s the only chicken wraps they did. And then I snored
all the way to Lakeside Retail Park. Decathlon is good for spare arrows. I
wanted a new bow, but they only had weak girlie bows. The bloke muttered
something about new stock soon, but they’ve said that every time we’ve been
up there. I thought I’d get a new pair of troosers
too, but someone had mixed all the sizes up. In the end I settled for a pink
scarf, and then on to the next shop. Borders bookshop is famous for the quality
selection of books, DVDs, music, reference and fiction sections….. I found
out today it’s got a smutty DVD section. I was shocked. And announced as much
to Chippy & Brian who were on the other side of the shop. It’s funny how all the “normal
people TM” made a point of ignoring the big loud lout,
but as soon as I was out of the way they all made a bee-line for the filth. Black’s have a reputation as one of the
better suppliers of outdoor and camping requisites. However it seems that
they don’t seem to cater for the more rotund gentleman. I suppose they assume
us porkers sit indoors all day long? The biggest trousers they did were still
some eight inches too small around the middle for me. As I am reliably
informed, a “Real Man
TM” waist size begins with a “4”. Following a brief
diversion to Toys R Us (for
which I’m hoping to line up a discount in the near future) we
picked up an Argos catalogue from their latest employee – Superman. How are
the mighty fallen! And then to Maplins for my new
mouse. Isn’t it sexy?!?! The bloke in the bed shop was wearing his jim-jams.
His boss said it was a good sales gimmick. He hated it, but I thought it
looked cool. And then home to seven hundred emails,
downloaded courtesy of my new sexy pink mouse. With the exception of one
email from Chris, all the other emails seemed like fugitives from the smut
section of Border’s bookshop. It’s a good job there’s
people like me to take a moral stand. |
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20
January 2008 (Sunday) - Money, 70s music, and At the Farm
"Er Indoors" received
"Jackie, The Album"
on three compact discs as an Xmas gift. Whenever we
go anywhere in the car, it's non-stop seventies all the way. Perhaps the
latest dose of You-Tube will get those CDs put back in the box? If this
doesn't work I shall do all three CDs worth. Or as many as I can find on the
free MP3 downloads website. The
morning was nearly spent going back to Lakeside to retrieve a certain credit
card. Fortunately this wasn't necessary, and so I did the accounts instead. Boring !!!! Mind you, it's amazing how the monthly phone
bill goes up and down. At nearly forty quid last month ,
it was only £25 this time. And now I've gone to paperless billing I shall
save 50p each month. That's over two pints of beer more for me in a year.
Some people might sneer at such piddling amounts, but if everyone went to
paperless billing I could get seriously plastered. For the next three months
there are no council tax payments. If I was sensible I'd put that money aside
for a service for the car. On
the other hand I could get a decent Koi for the pond instead. Mind you, the
last big Koi I got - to be fair it's not dead, but it doesn't do much. I know
fish don't do much at the best of times - they just sort of swim around a
bit. Well, this one doesn't even do that unless you poke it. Perhaps he'll
get livelier as it warms up in the spring. Let's hope so. Yesterday
in Border's bookshop as well as briefly perusing the porno DVD section, I saw
they had a "proper"
DVD I've been after for a while. But I wasn't paying £20 for it - so this
morning a quick root around in eBay found it for £8 including P&P. And
then to the farm- Moses had never had a go at cows before…. |
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21
January 2008 (Monday) - A Moan It was dark when I got home tonight. I got
out of the car, came round to the passenger side to get some stuff out, and
then I leapt into a hedge to avoid the prat cyclist. Zooming down the
pavement in the dark, with no lights, clothed entirely in black, with walkman
earphones in place. I was tempted to stay put and cause a crash, but he’d
only damage my car, and spotty goth twats aren’t renown
for having comprehensive insurance. |
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22
January 2008 (Tuesday) - Another World
As we’re only taking one girl cub to Eurodisney, she’ll be dossing down with girl cubs from
another pack. Tonight we went to meet this pack so that little Jenny knows
who she’ll be sharing a room with. Horror of horrors – they are “normal”. When their leaders asked for
quiet, they got it. There’s no cheeky ones, no spirited ones…. When their
leader told them all to sit down, our little Jenny turned to me and whispered
“no one said -
and shaddap!”
When playing games, if one fell over or wasn’t fast enough, the others would
wait for them to catch up. Ours would trample on the weakest, and devil take the hindmost. In the craft sessions, where I
would bellow out instructions as we went along, the leader sat them down,
told them what was to happen and had them write down instructions of what
they should do. And they sat in silence and did just that. I noticed that compared to our cubs, on
average this bunch had far fewer badges. But the ones they did have – the “group faith badge”, the
“My Faith”
badge….. that bothered me for some reason. Why were
they so worryingly normal? Perhaps the religious element is to blame? Or the
fact they had no “spanners”
or “gobby ones”?
Would I want to be a leader there? On the
one hand they got so much done in the evening as there was no time wasted
calling for quiet – I can waste nearly half the evening (literally half the evening)
trying to get our cubs attention. On the other hand, there wasn’t much spark
about the cubs there. Well, that’s unfair - there were characters there, but
you had to look for them. If anyone new comes to my cubs, the gobby little
beggars go up and say hello. These cubs were talkative enough, once I’d made
the effort. But oh-so polite. I shall reflect on this…. |
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23
January 2008 (Wednesday) - I.T. issues The Network Haematology DCW returned from
beyond the grave today. Apparently there are a couple of problems with it
that the IT people want to go over tomorrow. I said that was OK – would it
take long. “Not long”
they said “there are only
a few problems”. “A
few”, I asked. “Well,
some”, they replied. “How
many?” I asked. “Sixty-seven” was the answer. That’s my plans for tomorrow out the
window. |
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24
January 2008 (Thursday) - Life Goes On....
Last night I was driven home in the back of
my bus. It’s only on special occasions that ‘er
indoors is allowed to drive. It was quite disconcerting to hear all the
knocking and rattling that I don’t normally hear from the driver’s seat.
Imagine my relief this morning when I found that the noises wasn’t the
exhaust falling off, but two bottles of lemonade, a power extension cable and
a big tool box all rattling round. It’s amazing what you forget that you’ve
put in the car. And so back to NeverWinter – I’m banished
from downstairs. There’s a roomful of women squawking about candles down
there… |
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25
January 2008 (Friday) - Off To Eurodisney
As is so often the way, with a day off work
and no need to get up early, I was wide awake and bored with lying in bed by
6am. I shall be tired later. And then a trip to town to buy some last minute
bits for this weekend’s excursion. Shopping is so dull – how can so many
people make a hobby of it? I came home to sort out the undercrackers – I put a load in to wash and tumble dry –
how come there’s always an odd sock left over. I’ve heard all the old tips
about keeping odd socks beause the other one always
turns up. It doesn’t. I’ve loads of odd socks that I have to throw away when
‘er indoors isn’t looking. Socks, shopping, my life is so exciting,
isn’t it. Let’s hope things perk up this weekend. They ought to – there’s
seven coaches taking three hundred of us to Eurodisney.
It’s a shame that the twelve kids we’re taking include all of the “special” ones. Mind you,
I’m not dreading this outing like I do so many of our residential trips.
Perhaps because there’s not going to be much for me to do – we’re either on a
coach, in the theme park, eating or asleep. Let’s expect the worst, but hope
for the best…. |
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26
January 2008 (Saturday) - To Insanity And Beyond
I was amazed how well we slept – following
six hours on the coach I was expecting the cubs to be hyperactive and up half
the night. We arrived at the Davy Crockett Ranch at 11pm, and went straight
to our cabins (sheds). I loudly announced that they should get into
their pyjamas, fully expecting this to be only the start of a going to bed
ritual lasting several hours. They were changed in minutes, asked for hot
chocolate, took themselves to bed and were snoring within twenty minutes. An early start – VERY early. Brekky was to
be picked up from the canteen shed at 7.30am, so not only did I have to be
there in time, but I also needed to have two cubs kicked into the kitchen to
be getting ready, and another to come to help me collect the scoff. Brekky
was scoffed, coats on, and it was to the coach to the theme park. Singing our
happy tune (“Frosty the Snowman died to death of die-er-rear”
– only the one line, constantly repeated ad-nauseum)
we made our way to the “Thunder Mountain” ride and queued patiently
for half an hour until it broke down. We got given free fast pass tickets for
later in the day, and then made our way to the haunted house where one of the
older, calmer, better behaved cubs went hysterical in terror. I couldn’t
believe it – I’ve known this lad since he was a Beaver, probably over four
years. The sort of lad that makes doing cubs worthwhile. He went completely
mental when he saw there was a ride inside the haunted house. Not knowing
what else to do, I bundled him on the ride, gave him a hug and waited for him
to realise it was actually good fun. He came out wanting another go…. And then to the Buzz Lightyear ride – a new
one in which you can spin your carriage yourself and have laser guns to zap
aliens. Having saved the universe it was time for scoff. As part of the
weekend, we had vouchers for the fast food places in the park. “Fast Food”
he laughed. Let’s draw a line over their incompetence – suffice it to say that
once we’d eventually got to the counter it took half an hour to provide
sixteen burgers & chips. But chips take a while to settle – it’s oh so
easy to spin them back up again. So I put my foot down and we went on my
second favourite ride – it goes round and round and up and down all at once. AWSIS !!!!! I can’t help but feel we could have
achieved more had we been a bit more attentive to our surroundings. We had to
go back to Star Tours to retrieve a rucksack, back to two gift shops to
actually pick up what we’d bought, and when we finally got to go on “Thunder
Mountain” we left several hats behind. All too soon it got dark, and it was time
for tea. In Planet Hollywood with the rest of our party. We were part of
seven coach loads of cubs from Kent numbering over three hundred, and we’d
booked Planet Hollywood for ourselves. More burgers all round, slightly (but
not much) faster than the mid day burger, and then it was back to the
park for our favourite ride of all. The toilet must have been THE favourite
ride, as we spent so much time there, at one point making four calls in an
hour. A quick whiz round the park on the train, and it was 9pm and the coaches
were leaving back to the Davy Crockett Ranch. Again the lads got pyjamed
up quickly, but there was a problem. Whilst we’d been out, the maid had come
in, made the beds, tidied up, and skidded William’s
bed. Or so William claimed, William having no other explanation for how his
bed had skid marks. Personally I suspected Terry who had earlier been having
a “nudey fit” in William’s bed, but I
didn’t like to say anything. People tend to get hold of the wrong end of the
stick over things like that, so we’ll blame the maid. You would think she’d
have better things to do with her time, really. |
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27
January 2008 (Sunday) - Home From Eurodisney
I woke at four am with backache, and so we
were all up in plenty of time for the off. For some reason the coaches were
late starting off, and by the time we got to the Disney studios part of the
park the queues were already long. We queued for the new Nemo ride, and it
was quite frustrating to see that (true
to the stereotype) so many of the locals didn’t understand the
idea of queueing. Normally I’d give them some gob, but when in scout attire
one has to keep up (some)
appearances. By the time we’d done this ride (it was good!!) it was 11am. Bearing in mind the fiasco that was
yesterday’s meal we thought we’d eat early today. There was no queue, and it
took forty five minutes to serve sixteen burgers & chips. I’m afraid the
catering there was absolutely hopeless. The only good part about the entire
sorry tale that was dinner was that I was glad we were at the front of the
queue. Bearing in mind the coach was leaving at 1.15pm, we hadn’t time for
any more rides, so we wandered around, meeting Lilo
and Stitch (I got to
cuddle Stitch, much to the smaller cubs’ excitement). The last few Euros were squandered on
plastic rubbish, two more trips to the loo (the cubs LOVE the toilet) and then six
hours on the coach home again. Joseph had a tiddle
half way up the motorway, and again at the terminal, and again once we were
on the shuttle, and then half way through the tunnel in his pants. A good trip – I’d certainly do it again,
but….. I’m left thinking what a waste of money it was for some of the
parents. The trip had cost each child about a couple of hundred pounds (don’t believe the bargains in the
papers – it’s not cheap). We took ten cubs, at least three of
which would have had as much fun having a sleepover-cum-fight at home, as
they didn’t go on any ride that I didn’t formally order them on to. Some of
them were even scared of the Carousel. But I had a good time! |
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28
January 2008 (Monday) - The Astronomy Club (Again) Tonight’s subject was “The Winter Stars”.
The talk was informal, light hearted, but informative. I learned loads. And
then the post talk chat was cut short so that the element that likes the
sound of his own voice could show off the new
telescope. It would seem that the fact that we don’t really know much about
our new telescope was clearly neither here nor there. Tonight saw the highest turn-out since the
club started. 75% new people on the strength of the newspaper article a month
ago. Those who like the sound of their own voice were quite happy to have a
new cohort to bore. The fact that over the last year so many have come and
left has been either ignored or not realised. Next month I’m supposed to be giving the
talk. Had I not already prepared the presentation, I wouldn’t bother. But
it’s ready to roll, so I’ll do it. On one condition. Mine is the voice we
hear the most of that night….. |
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29
January 2008 (Tuesday) - Caring for the Birds
For no adequately explained reason tonight
was spent looking out for our feathered friends. Foul odours emanated from
the scout hut’s kitchen as bird seed was mixed with molten lard to make bird
feeders. The average sparrow is quite keen on bird seed and dried fruit in
lard, and it’s easy enough to knock together. Bearing in mind the fun I had
watching the sparrows on my bird feeder last year (until they destroyed it),
I’m tempted to boil some up myself. Thirty-six sets of parents were invited to
help with the woodwork of building a bird table. We got two Dads along. But
they were keen. And they knew about woodwork, which was more than I did. I
can saw wood, and clout things with a hammer, but that’s about my lot. One
bird table was completed, and it didn’t look too bad. Other tables still need
a bit of work, but most of the cubs seemed to enjoy themselves. All except “Big Jimmy Spanner” who (on learning his brother would be
cooking with the scouts later) spent the evening crying because
he would be missing the chance to shovel more food into his face. |
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30
January 2008 (Wednesday) - Getting Ready
Not that I’m preparing for the weekend or
anything, but those with stronger livers than brains might like to print out
the lyrics below for “Men of Harlech”. It will
probably come in handy early on Saturday afternoon. Those who have no idea of
the relevance of this song should count themselves lucky. Suffice it to say
that we shall be accompanied by a drunk fellow
playing the hose pipe.
Well, those are the proper words from Wikipedia.
Me – I usually sing a song which describes the picture above. You can find my
version here. And
whilst we’re on the subject of singing and beer, do you remember Ivan and
Abdul? To
view this multimedia content, please click here. At the risk of offending anyone's
sensibilities, I'd like to remind the world that the above YouTube video was
regularly shown on children's TV many years ago. |
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31
January 2008 (Thursday) - The News Yesterday’s blog entry has been read
seventy times. But only two people have voted in the poll. Whilst you’re
practicing singing “Men of Harlech”, here’s
something on which you might care to reflect. The home secretary announced that rural
schools shouldn’t
be closed. A laudable stance. But then the same government criticises
local councils for having up to 25% of its schools places vacant making these
rural schools cost a
fortune to keep going. Not so long ago universities were closing their science
departments. Today’s radio has a grumble from the government that there’s
not going to be enough
people qualified to run the next generation of nuclear power stations. It’s a funny old world. Why is stating the
blooming obvious seen as being newsworthy? It’s my birthday in three weeks time. Does
anyone fancy a trip to “Dickens World” in Rochester on Thursday 21st
Feb? Or a trip to the FILO any time during that week? |
